Ugh! There’s a unique kind of ache that comes from feeling alone—especially when it lingers.

Maybe it hits you on a Friday night after a long week, and you don’t have anyone to share it with? Or when you’re in a restaurant, looking at the couples and families around you. Or when you’re going to sleep at night and there’s no one to share your thoughts with.

That ache? It’s real. And I think we’ve all been there.

But here’s something I’ve learned (albeit painfully!)—and now gently offer to the women I coach: loneliness isn’t always a void to be filled. Sometimes, it’s an invitation.

The Ache We Don’t Talk About

“Loneliness is like hunger. It’s a biological signal that we need connection.” — Dr. John Cacioppo

We all feel lonely at times. I think we also go through periods of time when we experience this more than others.

It starts young. I remember being in middle school, and the feeling would creep in. If I weren’t included in a sleepover, I would begin to feel the dread of wondering how I could cope with being alone.

The feeling stuck with me through my early 20s, when the idea of a weekend alone gave me a pit in my stomach.

I became a single mom at age 30 and worked through feelings of loneliness on and off, and it took real spiritual growth for me to begin to embrace the idea that I was okay alone.

From Emptiness to Sacredness

“Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.” – Susan Cain, TED Talk

When we see loneliness through the lens of longing, it can feel like something is missing. But when we shift the lens—when we look again, —we may begin to see it not as lack, but as space.

Space to listen inward and to connect with ourselves. And space to learn about something new that may be coming our way.

What if this season of solitude wasn’t punishment—but preparation?

Sacred Solitude: The Space Where You Meet You

“All the wonders of life are already here. They’re calling you. If you can listen to them, you will be able to stop running. What you need, what we all need, is silence. Stop the noise in your mind for the wondrous sounds of life to be heard. Then you can begin to live your life authentically and deeply.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh, Silence: A Guide to Harnessing Your Most Powerful Inner Resource Through Mindfulness Techniques, Zen Philosophy, and the Art of Embracing Quiet

Have you been able to transition from feeling lonely to feeling at peace with solitude? I think of the two feelings as opposite sides of a coin.

Solitude is a place we can’t wait to get to. Loneliness is a place we dread.

In quiet stillness, we can:

• Hear our true desires whisper back to us.
• Feel the vulnerable places that need healing.
• Reclaim the pieces of our identity that we’ve handed away.

When we stop resisting our solitude and start revering it, it becomes a sanctuary. Not because we don’t long for connection, but because we realize the deepest connection starts within.

Have you experienced this? I can truly say that my most important ideas came to me when I was alone and allowed myself to see what I needed to see.

Heart-Led Transformation: Feeling the Ache Without Judgment

“Be an explorer. Witness it, and then it will go. If you don’t get absorbed in it, the experience will soon pass and something else will come up. Just enjoy all of it. If you can do this, you will be free, and a world of pure energy will open up within you.”
― Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself

One of my all-time favorite books, The Untethered Soul, is about the process of liberation from our conditioned mind.

In it, Singer teaches us that we need to allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, to transform into who we’re meant to be.

Loneliness falls into this category. When we can allow ourselves to experience the feeling without becoming lost in the story we tell ourselves about what it means, we can enable it to transform into something new.

Reframing the Narrative

“The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, questing and resting, creating and incubating, being of the world and returning to the soul-place.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

I remember my mom always telling me, “Remember the yin and the yang. You need to rest in order to get out there and do. You need peacefulness and you need business.”

I would resist her idea, but over time, I found out that she was right.

The biggest challenge we have around loneliness might be the way we perceive it.

“Sometimes the most dangerous thing for us is not the aloneness, but the stories we tell ourselves about what it means.” — Brené Brown

What are the stories we tell ourselves? Where did they come from?

Empowered Vision: Seeing Solitude as Sacred and a Gateway to Connection

“Solitude is not absence. It is the presence of oneself.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

If we can begin to embrace solitude as a way to honor our own presence, we can see it in a whole new light.

The thing is, we are never truly alone… because we are there with ourselves. And if we can allow this, maybe we can find the comfort we’ve been seeking from outside.

Having the ability to be alone can also strengthen our relationships with others.

“The real emergency may be parents and children not having conversations or sharing a silence between them that gives each the time to bring up a funny story or a troubling thought,” – Sherry Turkle.

The calm, peaceful energy of aloneness may expand our presence and make us more reachable to others.  We can connect more deeply from a place of presence.

Authentic Integration: Making Solitude a Ritual

In “The Inner Landscape of Beauty,” John O’Donohue connects silence to creativity, self-discovery, and a deeper relationship with the world, stating that “when you cease to fear your solitude, a new creativity awakens in you” and “you come home to yourself and learn to rest within.”

So, are you up for the challenge?

Here are some things to try:

• Candle-lit journaling exercise: Set a timer for 15 minutes, light a candle, and write away.

• Sacred Walks: Choose one quiet walk per week without headphones. Let your thoughts rise and fall naturally.

• Solitude Altar: Create a small space in your home with items that remind you of your strength and stillness.

“The necessary thing is after all but this: solitude, great inner solitude… one must be able to attain.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

Prompt: How can I create meaning in my time alone this week?

Through Her New Lens…

Through Her New Lens, we’re willing to see things in a new light.

And we’re willing to see the hidden gift of being alone.

 “You’re not just surviving your aloneness—you’re sanctifying it.” — Tricia Rose Stone 

Coaching Corner

What lens are you looking through when it comes to being alone?

If you’re navigating a season of solitude and want support shifting your perspective, I’d love to guide you. Through The New Lens Method, I help women see themselves—and their lives—through a lens of clarity, worth, and deep inner wisdom.

Take a moment and reflect…

• What am I being shown in my solitude?

• If I shift my lens from loneliness to sacred space, what becomes possible?

• What ritual can I create this week to turn quiet into nourishment?

If you’re navigating a quiet season of life and are ready to explore what’s possible on the other side of your lens, I’d love to support you.

Let’s explore through the lens of solitude together.

Check out my podcast about loneliness and solitude here.