Divorce is one of the most emotionally disorienting transitions a woman can go through. It can affect every layer of your life: your identity, your finances, your sense of safety, and often, your confidence in your own inner knowing. Rethinking divorce, and reimagining it’s potential to move us forward, holds the key to embracing the growth opportunities within the process.

And yet, what if the way we navigate divorce — the process we choose and the perspective we hold — has the power to free and liberate us?

In a powerful conversation with Elaine Silver, a seasoned collaborative divorce attorney, I discovered just how radical (and healing) a different approach can be. And what she shared aligns perfectly with the heart of The New Lens Method™ and the work I do with women navigating transitions.

Below, I’m sharing her insights — through my lens — along with reflections, personal experience, and guidance for any woman standing at this crossroads.

Let’s take a look!

Why Collaborative Divorce Changes Everything

Elaine describes collaborative divorce as a fundamentally different path.

Instead of lawyers preparing for battle, spouses hire attorneys who sign an agreement saying:

“We will not go to court.”

This single decision shifts the entire experience.

In a collaborative divorce:

• You maintain privacy
• You avoid courtroom trauma
• You work with a neutral financial expert
• You receive emotional support from a mental-health facilitator
• You stay anchored in the future and not frozen in the past

And this is key:
The focus is on creating the most workable, compassionate future for the entire family.

Elaine puts it beautifully: the rear-view mirror is tiny; the windshield ahead is wide and expansive.

My Personal Lens: Divorce Through My Own Journey

When I went through my own divorce years ago, I remember feeling terrified.

I went into survival mode. My anxiety was off the charts.

To top it off, I couldn’t believe how easily I slipped into self-blame.

I questioned everything:
Why didn’t I see the red flags? 

Like many women, I was carrying the weight of my younger self’s decisions — without realizing she was doing the best she could with the lens she had at the time.

This is why Elaine’s message resonated so deeply with me.
And why I created The New Lens Method™:
To help women see themselves, their past, and their future through a lens grounded in compassion, clarity, and worthiness.

How Collaborative Divorce Supports Your Emotional Well-Being

Elaine shared something I see over and over with my clients:

Divorce activates a terrified, much younger version of ourselves.

That’s why collaborative divorce brings in a mental-health facilitator — not to do therapy, but to support both spouses in regulating their emotions so they can make healthy choices.

Fear-based decisions lead to regret.
Future-based decisions create stability.

This is the Empowered Vision pillar of The New Lens Method™:
helping women shift out of survival mode and into a grounded, centered way of seeing what’s possible next.

The Team Approach: A More Compassionate Structure

Collaborative divorce creates a container for both clarity and compassion:

1. The Neutral Financial Professional

Instead of two experts working against each other, there’s one person dedicated to transparency.
This removes secrecy, reduces anxiety, and levels the playing field for the spouse who has felt financially unprepared or out of the loop.

2. The Emotional Facilitator (Coach)

This support person helps both spouses respond — not react.
They soften triggers, reduce reactivity, and make space for healthier conversations.

3. Attorneys Who Are Committed to Peace

They are not strategizing for war.
They are strategizing for stability.

The result?
Women report feeling more supported, less overwhelmed, and more empowered in decision-making.

Rethinking Divorce: Why Compassion Is the Most Transformative Lens

At the end of our conversation, I asked Elaine which “lens” she would offer women going through divorce. Her answer was immediate:

The Lens of Compassion.

Compassion for the partner you’re separating from — because anger will not build your future.
And compassion for yourself — because beating yourself up only deepens the wound.

Elaine explained that many women say,
“I should have known better.”
But when we look honestly, we often did see the red flags. We didn’t yet have the confidence or clarity to act on them.

Compassion allows you to stop fighting the past and start supporting the woman you’re becoming.

This is Heart-Led Transformation, the first pillar of my method:
softening into self-trust and reclaiming your inner wisdom.

Meet Our Expert Guest, Elaine Silver

Elaine Silver is a leading voice in collaborative divorce and a powerful advocate for families seeking a healthier, more aligned way to transition out of marriage. Her grounded guidance, emotional intelligence, and collaborative model provide a path forward that honors everyone involved—especially children.

To learn more about her work or explore whether collaborative divorce is right for you or someone you love, connect with Elaine on LinkedIn:
👉 https://www.linkedin.com/in/elainetsilver/

New Lens Reflection: Rethinking Divorce and A Moment for You

I want to speak directly to you here.

If you are going through a divorce, considering one, or healing after one, you are not just ending a chapter — you are rebuilding your identity.

You may feel cracked open, raw, disoriented, or unsure where to begin.

This is where the lens becomes everything.

Ask yourself:

• What lens am I currently using to view this moment?
• Am I seeing myself through judgment… or compassion?
• Am I imagining a future… or replaying the past?
• Am I trying to survive… or am I willing to heal?

This inner shift is the heart of the work I do.
Collaborative divorce supports the legal transition.
The New Lens Method™ supports the emotional one.

It’s also key to believe that everything is happening for you. This is your path, and it’s leading you to a life more aligned with your true self than you could ever imagine.

A Coaching Mini-Exercise: The Compassion Lens Reframe

So here’s a simple but powerful tool you can use today:

Step 1: Identify the moment you feel most ashamed or self-blaming in your relationship or divorce.

Write down the exact thought or memory.

Step 2: Ask:

“What was the younger version of me trying to protect, avoid, or hope for in that moment?”

Step 3: Offer her compassion instead of criticism.

She wasn’t wrong.
She was trying.

Step 4: Choose one new lens you want to hold now:

• Worthiness
• Strength
• Clarity
• Serenity
• Possibility

This is how transformation begins: quietly, lovingly, one lens shift at a time.

If You’re Moving Through This Transition, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Divorce is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of your return to yourself.

If you feel called to move through this chapter with more softness, strength, and self-trust, I’m here to support you.

My coaching practice is dedicated to helping women see themselves through a new lens — one that honors their wisdom, heals old patterns, and opens a new path forward.

If this resonates, I invite you to book a free, compassionate Lens Shift Call.
It’s a gentle space to explore what you’re moving through and what’s possible for your next chapter.

👉 You can book your call at TriciaRoseStone.com.

Check out our podcast here.