What Does Trust Yourself Mean? A Closer Look at Brene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust

What does it really mean to “trust yourself”? Let’s break it down.

During a recent trip to visit a friend in La Quinta, CA, she shared a podcast that left a lasting impression: Oprah’s Super Soul conversation with Brené Brown, titled “The Anatomy of Trust.”

As always, Brené Brown has a way of delivering life-changing insights with clarity and heart. And this podcast really hit me.

In the episode, Brené introduces a powerful acronym for building trust: BRAVING:

Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Nonjudgment, and Generosity.

Together, they create a framework that’s easy to remember and incredibly effective for understanding how trust is built.

Brené explains that trust is earned gradually, like adding marbles to a jar—each positive experience adds another marble. And she shares that the trust you build with others starts with how much you trust yourself. So being authentic, vulnerable, and honest with yourself sets the foundation for meaningful relationships with others.

First, More about Understanding Trust and Self-Trust

Trust is at the heart of every meaningful relationship, especially with yourself. Self-trust is about believing in your judgment and abilities. It’s about trusting your decisions despite outside noise. It’s about tuning into your inner voice and knowing you can always count on its guidance.

When you trust yourself, you make choices that align with your values and goals. You stop second-guessing every move.

Self-trust and self-confidence might seem similar, but they’re not the same. Confidence is believing in yourself and your skills, while self-trust is deeper. It’s having faith in your instincts and decisions. Self-trust is the foundation of self-confidence, it goes one layer deeper. It gives you the courage to be authentic, act boldly, and live with conviction.

The Importance of Self-Trust

In many ways, self-trust forms the baseline for most things you have in life.  When you trust yourself, you have the courage to follow your own north star. You’re also more likely to be true to yourself, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful connections with others.

When you trust yourself, you treat yourself more like a friend. You’re less likely to engage in negative self-talk. Instead, you’re more likely to embrace greater self-compassion and self-kindness, which can lead to greater emotional well-being.

** Read more about trusting in your innate goodness here.

 

Now, let’s get BRAVING!

1. Boundaries: Trust yourself by knowing and being transparent with your boundaries.

“Setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not okay and why.” -Brené Brown.

So, I want to ask: Are you clear about your boundaries? (This question I’m asking myself, too!)

And can you confidently express your boundaries with others?

When was the last time you checked in with yourself to see where your boundaries might need more love?

For me, this has been a lifelong journey. Honestly, I wish I had it all figured out by now! Imagine how much smoother life would feel with crystal-clear boundaries. But let’s be real—building strong boundaries takes work. It’s digging deep, being honest with yourself, and knowing what you truly want and need.

Are you ready to take that step? Let’s do this together!

2. Reliability: A foundational baseline for trusting yourself and others.

“You do what you say you’ll do.” – Brené Brown

How reliable are you? Do you follow through when you decide to get up every morning to exercise?

Often, I find that I tend to be more reliable to others than I am to myself. This is something I want to work toward. When you fail to follow through on your commitments, you can lose trust in yourself, lowering your decision-making abilities and self-confidence.

For a fresh perspective, see this story on mothering ourselves.

3. Accountability: Do you check in with yourself often?

“You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.” – Brené Brown

What does accountability mean to you?

How accountable are you to yourself? Do you quickly recognize when you’ve gone off track and make an effort to get back to where you want to be?

I think of accountability as a touchstone. Instead of feeling like I’m aimlessly drifting at sea, I feel accountable. When I do this, I can connect with myself and make amends.

What does accountability mean to you?

PS: I need to do this more in my life!

4. Vault: Do you trust yourself with sacred information?

“You don’t share information or experiences that aren’t yours to share.” – Brené Brown.

Do you find that you overshare?

Are you clear on what you feel comfortable sharing with others and with whom? In an ideal world, you know who you can trust and move through intimate moments with grace and ease, never regretting what you’ve disclosed.

Trusting yourself with sacred information means having confidence in your abilities to handle and protect that information.

5. Integrity: A secret ingredient to building self-trust.

“Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; practicing your values, not just professing them.” – Brené Brown.

Do you know what truly matters to you? What are the values that guide your life? I can say for me that I need to go back and think about mine continually. There are so many distractions I sometimes feel myself drifting along.

Now, ask yourself: Could you step outside your comfort zone more often? Would embracing courage help you grow and live more authentically in accordance with your values?

This quote and letter are the deepest and trickiest in my mind. It’s so easy to choose the fun and easy path. But practicing my values will bring more meaning and happiness my way.

6. Nonjudgment: Do you judge yourself too much?

“I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.” – Brené Brown.

Can you be honest with yourself about how you truly feel?

**When I struggle with this, I like to practice subconscious writing. It’s a simple but powerful exercise where I let my thoughts flow freely onto the page without overthinking or self-editing.

There’s no right or wrong way to do it—just grab a notebook, set a timer for 10-15 minutes, and write whatever comes to mind. It’s amazing to process emotions and thoughts that might otherwise stay bottled up. Sometimes, that’s all it takes for me to gain clarity or feel a sense of relief about something I’ve been holding onto.

If you feel uncomfortable spending time looking inward, this practice can help you overcome that discomfort and move closer toward self-trust.

7. Generosity: How generously do you interpret your thoughts and feelings?

“You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.” – Brené Brown.

Are you kind to yourself? Do you accept and forgive yourself when you’ve made a mistake? Can you see yourself through the lens of innocence?

One way to practice gifting yourself with generosity is writing a love letter to yourself. Seeing yourself as you are and in need of your love and approval may work wonders.

More Thoughts I Wanted to Share: Tune In to Your Intuition

Tuning into your intuition is a powerful way to build self-trust. (I’ve learned this one the hard way!) It’s fascinating how easy it is for us to lose connection with ours.

According to Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D. of positive psychology, “Intuition is an incredibly powerful tool for decision making. It ensures we respond in the moment, freeing up valuable mental resources to tackle novel experiences and optimize learning.

While not infallible, intuition is invaluable.”

Your intuition is your inner voice, constantly offering valuable insights and guidance. Here’s how you can better connect with it:

• Listen to your gut: Pay attention to those gut feelings and instincts. If something feels right or wrong, trust that inner sense. It’s often more accurate than you think. Can you relate?  How often did I meet someone and know right away that this person wasn’t a good fit for me, only to ignore my gut instinct and allow the relationship to continue? There are too many times to count!
• Practice mindfulness. Our minds often move so quickly that we may not slow down long enough to check in with ourselves. Mindfulness helps you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, making it easier to hear your intuition. 
• Trust your instincts: Don’t second-guess yourself. When you feel strongly about something, trust your instincts and act on them. This practice reinforces your self-trust and confidence, which I need to do more often, too.

Overcoming Obstacles to Self-Trust

Building self-trust can be challenging, especially when you’ve chosen the wrong path a few times too many. It’s easy to lose that sense of trusting ourselves.

A common challenge is negative self-talk and self-criticism. When you’re overly critical of yourself, that little voice in your head can undermine your confidence in your judgment and abilities. To counter this, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.

Remind yourself that you, and only you, know deep inside what’s truly right for you. You are here to experience your full life on your terms.

So, what do you think?

Try looking at these qualities again through a neutral lens. Where are you the strongest? Looking at the potential of these characteristics in Brene Brown’s BRAVING, can you find ways to develop and build a stronger sense of self-trust?

This concept reminds me of Diane von Furstenberg’s famous quote: “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

Trusting ourselves is possibly one of the most important things we can ever do.

Not trusting myself has cost me a lot of wasted time and energy.

Looking at BRAVING and thinking about my own decisions, I can see that I wasn’t always in a place of trust.

When I was young, and even now, really understanding my boundaries has been challenging. Especially in the past, when it came to relationships and dating, I didn’t have clear boundaries, which made everything mirky. I was clear about the basic things but not so clear about the deeper layers of my boundaries, like respecting how I wanted to feel and not allowing myself to be treated in ways that made me feel otherwise.

I also lacked self-accountability. And I would allow situations to continue that weren’t right for me because I wasn’t checking in with myself.

The integrity of choosing courage over comfort was alson’t always there. I sometimes morphed into what was expected of me, which was not in alignment with who I really was.

The judgment piece is also tricky. I think it takes a lot of self-trust to look at parts of myself with curiosity instead of judgment. I wish I’d been able to do that when I was younger. I’m still in the process of learning to do this now.

I love this BRAVING acronym because it provides a framework for building trust thoughtfully.

I appreciate and love how selt-trust can be built, one marble at a time.

Don’t you?

Where are you the strongest? And where can you find ways to improve? Let me know in the comments.

 

Learn more about what it takes to feel more energetically connected to others here.

(This story was originally published on April 16, 2022, and has been updated for improved clarity and thoroughness.)