How to Write a Love Letter to Yourself – And Why It’s Surprisingly Effective

How often, when something bothers us, do we look toward others for the words we need to hear? Why do we so easily forget that we are the ones who carry these messages?

We have access to an eternal, abundant source of love waiting to be received.

But how can you connect to this love within? One way is to learn how to write a love letter to yourself. You can imagine your future aspirations and dreams and express love and gratitude toward your present self right now. Doing so helps cultivate a positive mindset and gently offers the personal growth you may need.

Start by grabbing an old-fashioned pen and paper and finding a relaxing place to sit, write, and indulge in much-needed self-love. Engage in self-reflection to recognize your worth and nurture a deeper connection with yourself.

First, Understanding the Power of Self-Love

Writing a love letter to yourself is a powerful way to cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. It may even be the most powerful thing I’ve ever done.

Self-love forms the basis of a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. When you practice self-love, you are more likely to develop a healthy self-image, which can lead to increased self-esteem and self-confidence.

Self-love also helps you develop a more compassionate and kind relationship with yourself (and who doesn’t need that??!!), leading to a more fulfilling and happy life.

By writing a love letter to yourself, you can shift your focus away from negative self-talk, self-criticism, and even fear-based thinking and move toward a more positive and loving relationship with yourself.

So let’s not wait any longer. Let’s start writing!

Preparing to Write Your Love Letter

Before you start writing your love letter, take some time to prepare yourself.

Find a quiet, comfortable space to sit and reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm your mind.

You may also want to consider setting an intention for your love letter, such as cultivating self-love and self-acceptance or overcoming negative self-talk and self-criticism. You may want to address a fear that keeps coming up right now or a story you are telling yourself that could use a steady, secure hand.

Prepare yourself to reflect on your past experiences and relationships and how they have shaped your self-image and self-worth.

Be open to writing down some of your positive qualities and attributes, as well as some of your challenges and areas for growth.

This can help you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and to cultivate a more compassionate and loving relationship with yourself.

First, write the self-love letter from the perspective you need now.

Consider writing from the perspective of your future self—a more trusting, secure, and spiritually connected version of yourself right now. Acknowledge and express gratitude to your present self to cultivate a positive outlook and recognize your current achievements and values. Your letter could also be written by an older, wiser version of yourself who knows everything will be okay.

I recently read that Elizabeth Gilbert writes a letter to herself every morning from Love. You can also write a letter from God or your higher power. Whatever feels right for you is perfect.

Next, think about who needs to hear the message you’re sending. Is it the middle-aged you who’s going through a rough patch? Or is it your inner child who feels scared and unsure?

Next, gently encourage yourself.

“Tell yourself that whatever storms you are having, like all storms, they are going to pass. Comfort yourself that after the storm, the view of the sun rising from the horizon is always a spectacular view” – Kind Over Matter.

Remind yourself that all things do pass. You’re loved beyond anything you can begin to imagine. Peace, joy, and contentment are just on the other side of this moment. Allow self-love to lead the way toward true happiness through personal growth and self-reflection.

Now, address what’s been bothering you in the love letter to yourself.

Only you know yourself truly. Gently acknowledge what’s been weighing on your mind.

“I know this past year has been tough. Things did not work out the way you wanted them to at school. It’s disappointing to think about starting all over again.”

Hold space to get honest and explore what’s been on your mind and heart. As you may know from writing of morning pages, there is a scientifically proven connection between writing on paper and the subconscious mind.

Use this part of your letter to discuss the pain points you’re experiencing right now. Reflective writing, such as writing love letters to yourself, is an act of self-love but also taps into your innate emotional intelligence and helps you stay present.

Embrace yourself with words of encouragement.

“Remind yourself that whatever pain you’re going through is only temporary, but the essence of joy you hold is eternal. Lift yourself.

Acknowledge and appreciate your physical attributes as part of your journey to self-love and self-acceptance. Give yourself the compliment you’ve been yearning to see in words. (You are enough. You matter.)” – Elle Martin of Bella Grace Magazine.

Now is the time to speak directly to your heart.

In other words, think about what it is that you need to know. What words will lift your spirits?

For example, some ideas may include the following:

“I seldom tell you how much I love you. How much I admire you. How beautiful and caring and intelligent and strong you are. That you are my hero.” – Lori De La Cruz

Or:

“I want you to know how proud I am of you. I see how much you have overcome. You are so wise – more than you know.

Your tenderness, kindness, and bravery are rare. You’re a beautiful person – in every way.”

Common Issue: Overcoming Obstacles

One of the biggest obstacles to writing a love letter to yourself may be persistant negative self-talk and self-criticism.

Many of us tend to be our own worst enemies and focus on our flaws and shortcomings rather than our strengths and positive qualities.

Try approaching your love letter with kindness and compassion to overcome this obstacle. Remember that you deserve love and acceptance, regardless of your flaws and shortcomings. Focusing on your positive qualities and cultivating a more positive and loving relationship with yourself can be the end game.

Recommit to yourself and the evolving process of loving yourself exactly where you are.

You experience being loved in your own unique way. Write a love letter to yourself as a chance to speak in a language that connects with your spirit and soul. Express love and reap the emotional and psychological benefits, such as decreased anxiety, increased creativity, and enhanced self-awareness.

With this intention, continue exploring what self-love might feel like right now.

You can add the sentence: “I know you feel loved when…”

“We all have unique ways of being loved and showing love—so take a second to examine your love languages and how you like to be celebrated. Once you’re done reflecting, don’t forget to put it into action,” from The Shine App.

This letter can serve as an open door to continuing to love yourself through whatever happens in your life.

It builds a relationship, a lasting connection, between you and your higher self.

Above all, a love letter to yourself offers a chance to feel held.

So, breathe in the relief and support you provide. This letter may lead to inner peace and enhanced self-esteem. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings.

Often, what you’re looking for most is self-acceptance. Knowing this, you may feel a wave of relief just by being heard and seen.

Without a doubt, you are here for yourself.

Remember that. You always have been and always will be.

So, what did you think of this story? Are you inspired to write love letters?  Please let me know in the comments below!

Likewise, please share it with someone you love!

(This story was originally published on November 10, 2021, and has been updated for thoroughness and clarity.)