Setting an Example: Six Ways to Embrace Being a Vivacious Mom

Setting an example may seem like the wrong choice of words. Isn’t motherhood a one-way street lined with only giving and sacrifice? I think, in many ways, it is. Still, I like to try to reframe motherhood differently.

You may have heard me discuss my vision of a wholly embodied woman. Not only is she the woman I want to be, but she is also the mother I yearn to be.

I admire her for many things. Along with caring tenderly and compassionately for those who need her, she allows herself to nurture her creativity, forgives herself often, chooses fun (!) whenever possible, mindfully reconsiders her role as a mother, and recognizes that now is her time, too.

Her success as a mom isn’t based on how well her children perform in school or sports. Instead, she focuses on whether they are thriving, happy, and seeing the world through shining eyes. She acts from a place of self-reverence.

Her best strategy is to know herself deeply and keep herself happy and thriving alongside her children.

So, if you are also seeking a reframe on motherhood, here is a closer look at some reminders and tips to set you along this path:

1. Remember, this is your time, too. Set an example that you matter!

First, take the time to reframe your view on what motherhood means to you.

What is the story you’ve written in your mind about what motherhood looks like? What role modeling have you had?

Where do you fit into the family dynamic at home? Do you feel fulfilled and inspired? Or do you feel overwhelmed and lost?

The crazy thing is that time passes quickly, and your kids are grown and out of the house in a flash.

So it’s important to make time for yourself and set an example for your children. Show them that taking care of yourself is important so you can take care of them, too.

Whether you set aside time for yoga, lunch with friends, or just reading a book or listening to music, prioritize engaging in activities that will energize you throughout your day.

2. Note: The more often you forgive yourself, the easier it will be for your kids to do the same.

Our minds are conditioned to focus on the mistakes we make every day. We beat ourselves up ruthlessly when we forget to send along that one permission slip while quickly forgetting how many times we got it right.

The shadow side of motherhood is the guilt game that starts the day your child is born and continues well beyond the day they leave home for college.

How do we move forward when we can’t seem to do it all? We forgive ourselves.

Setting an example of self-forgiveness is powerful beyond measure. Let’s face it: we all make mistakes. Self-forgiveness sets a tone of worthiness. And there is something to be said for being a ‘good enough’ mother.

** Read more about this here.

3. Reevaluate the kind of mom you want to be. You can adjust the dial anytime.

I’ve been studying Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work recently, and I am fascinated by his research on choosing a new way of being.

He’s an expert on neuroplasticity and offers instruction on dropping certain emotions and thoughts to replace them with more aligned, higher-vibrational intentions and feelings.

And he teaches that we can influence our circumstances by mindfully setting an example with our attitudes and beliefs.

Remembering that you can change at any time is critical! Growing and evolving is what we’re here to do.

4. Commit to exploring your interests and passions. Nurture your creativity.

Amid constant busyness, abandoning our interests and passions is so easy – but that’s precisely what we don’t want to do.

By modeling self-care this way, we set the example that we matter!

Even just carving out 10 minutes daily to work on a personal creative project sends the message that you value yourself and respect your dreams and goals.

And there is more to life for you! Everyone at home can feel energized by the spark you carry while enjoying a new creative pursuit!

5. See yourself as a ‘sturdy leader.’

I learned this idea from Dr. Becky Kennedy at ‘Good Inside.’

She teaches that one of our main objectives as parents is to become leaders. To me, this means not feeling continuously bowled over by daily events. Instead, we can commit to setting a tone and adhering to what we know is right.

I love the name of her platform, ‘Good Inside.’ By embracing her ideas, we acknowledge that our kids are always good inside, even when behaving badly. The same assertion can be applied to us. We might make mistakes and occasionally lose our way, but we are good inside and have the best intentions.

Dr. Becky’s work offers a guidebook, allowing mothers to feel supported as they undertake the most critical work of their lives. This framework encourages us to thrive as women, not just as mothers.

Learn more about Dr. Becky here.

6. Set an example by choosing to celebrate the moment with a dose of fun!

When I was single, I can recall many weekends when I had to choose between tackling the exploding closets in our home or driving my daughter to the beach to watch the sunset.

Thankfully, I often choose the latter.

How many times do you think I regret that? Never.

Setting an example of embracing the moment is one of my favorite things on this list.

Also, I read and reviewed The Power of Moments several months ago. The authors describe how people generally forget many of the details of a family vacation but will remember that one stand-out moment.

So it’s worth making those special moments happen!

My experiences with setting an example as a mom:

I write about things I’m learning, so this one has been big for me!

My earliest months while becoming a mother were filled with rife. I was living in western Canada at the time, and my marriage fell apart very unexpectedly when my infant daughter was only three months old.

I struggled then, and within a few months, I decided to move closer to my family in upstate New York.

Although having my family nearby comforted me, I was confronted by other challenges I never saw coming. I couldn’t believe how differently my mom friends in Canada experienced motherhood compared to my friends in the US.

The Canadian moms were having a ball! They all continued to enjoy life fully, whether they had a newborn or a gaggle of kids in tow. We had dinner parties, book club, etc., and having a baby never seemed to stop them from pursuing their dreams and ambitions.

My American mom friends were radically different. Every conversation revolved around the kids. They seemed to drop many of their interests when becoming moms.

It was so hard for me to adjust.

So, I started carving my own path, and it worked out well for me! I stayed in the Syracuse area near family until my daughter was eight and then moved to Boston with her to pursue my professional dream of owning a practice in a metropolitan city.

That decision has paid off in countless ways for us both. I’m grateful I had many varying influences in my life. Not to mention, I have an incredible role model as a mom. She didn’t have the opportunities I did, but she still set an example as a glass-shattering career woman who has since had new iterations aligned with her true path. She continues to inspire me as she spends her time painting, decorating, and enjoying life to the fullest.

Wrapping it all up:

There are millions of ways a mom sets an example. Reframing motherhood as a chance to commit more deeply to yourself might make it feel more expansive and fun!

It’s an amazing, unique, heart-expanding journey. We want to be fully present and show up as ourselves as much as possible.

What do you think?

Please let me know in the comments below!

(This post was originally published on March 27, 2023, and has been updated for improved thoroughness and clarity.)