Who Is Your Wise Woman? A Helpful, Calming Inner Resource

An inner “wise woman”?!? What in the world is that? This term may sound very woo-woo, but the wise woman is a powerful inner resource available to us right now.

According to Know Your Archetypes, “In modern society, the Wise Woman archetype represents an older, mature woman, usually in the latter part of her life. Her life is spiritually centered, with her in full mastery of her body, heart, and spirit.”

In this post, I’ll share my story of how seeking that wise woman within can bring peace, wisdom, and thoughtful insights if you are open to receiving them.

What Led Me to this Process:

Seeking out my wise woman wasn’t something I had planned!

I was introduced to this idea by a life coach I worked with around three years ago.

At that time, I was going through a lot of transitions. My 16-year-old daughter had recently moved to Canada to live with her dad. I struggled to adjust to this new arrangement, as I had been a single parent up to that point.

Having recently left my practice to move across the country, I desperately sought guidance. I wanted to get my feet on the ground in this new chapter.

Becoming Acquainted With Your Wise Woman

A few weeks into working with my life coach, she suggested doing an exercise to access my inner wise woman. I thought, “Okay, I’m not sure how this will work ….” But I agreed to be open to trying. She encouraged me to envision and familiarize myself with this woman through a visualization process. Surprisingly, I could access my “wise woman” fairly quickly.

I entered a sun-filled home with beautiful art hanging on the walls in my visualization. I spotted her in a sitting room tucked in the back – an older version of me. Probably around 75 years old, she appeared elegant, peaceful, and content.

She sat in a comfortable chair with a book on the table beside her.

Dressed in comfortable and beautiful clothing, she looked her age. Yet, there was something timeless about her. One of the first things I noticed was her peaceful energy. I could see photos of her with family and friends, taken from different travels over the years, glancing around the room.

Also scattered across a shelf were pictures of celebrations and gatherings, all little signs of a life fully lived.

Immediately I knew there was nothing I could hide from her. I felt a lot of clarity just being in her presence.

All at once, I felt giddy about seeing a happy version of myself to look forward to at this older age and ashamed over my inability to efficiently manage the life changes I was going through at that moment.

The First Thing She Reminded Me of Was that Everything Passes With Time

Despite all of the changes in my life, the drama I was going through seemed overblown once I could envision how everything fell into place very nicely over time.

A lightbulb moment occurred: I could see that all our transitions were just moments in time. The challenge of our children’s teenage years – it doesn’t last. In a flash, it will be over, and your teenager will be moving off to college.

The long days and nights spent trying to soothe your colicky baby – that doesn’t last either. It’s one petal of a flower, all part of a bigger picture.

I recognized that the more I was hyper-focused and obsessed over the changes, the more I got lost in the drama. Even worse, none of my wasted anxiety would ever change the outcome.

She helped me realize there was a balance somewhere in which I could fully experience what was happening while still reaching for the happiness that could coexist at the same time.

She also reminded me that I was reacting to parenting situations because of my “stuff” – not my child’s. I felt entirely accountable. It was time for me to look inside.

Her Suggestions:

Next, my inner wise woman lovingly asked me how to support myself more as I went through these changes. She encouraged me to discover what I could do, what things eased my anxieties – and then do them!

For me, that looked like time alone, time with friends, exercise, writing in a journal, meditation, exploring new passions, and other means of self-care that I enjoy.

There was a lightness to her, and I felt silly for being so hard on myself. I think she even suggested that I “lighten up” occasionally when I felt stuck trying to process what I was going through.

I began to see that all of it would pass, and eventually, I might even look at these events as gifts that helped me grow and move forward. And she was right.

Next, She Reminded Me that I’m Exactly the Parent My Daughter Needs

Probably sensing my overwhelm, she made this very clear. I was (and am) precisely the parent my child needed (and needs). This was not a random event – I was handpicked for her, and she was for me. I already had all of the tools and resources within me.

I might need to continue cultivating and discovering them, but they were all there.

My fearful thoughts and overwhelm seemed real at the moment, but they were distractions. I could work through any obstacle. I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually up for the task.

Lastly, the Wise Woman Encouraged Me to Step Back and Take a Look at the Bigger Picture

Seeing her seated in her comfortable chair, I could see she was now in a new phase. She had experienced so much in life, including those busy and challenging parenting days, a fulfilling marriage, various careers, and the many iterations of becoming who she is today.

All of this required some deep work and a lot of enjoyment, too. She radiated fulfillment, peace, and happiness.

She reminded me that I had a big life, and although very significant, parenting was just one part. I lived 30 years before having a child. What was my life like then? And I would have many more years on the other side after my child headed out and began her own life.

Motherhood has a way of demanding all of your attention. But those demands change over time. You are the only person who is always there for you – the entire time.

Her message to me: “Remember to take loving care of yourself. Be deeply kind to yourself. Be sure to forgive yourself often, even daily, when you misstep.”

One Final Thought:

Have you recently looked at a photograph of yourself as a little girl? Do you remember how innocent you were? Deep inside, that innocence remains. You’ve grown, made decisions, and taken on many responsibilities.

You’re living life fully! And that’s going to come with challenges and growth.

Once again, be kind to yourself, and everything can fall into balance. Remember that.

As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”

(This post was originally published on February 21, 2021, and has been updated for thoroughness and clarity.)

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