I remember having dinner with a group of friends awhile ago and hearing my friend Liz talk about preparing for her dreaded upcoming “empty nest.” I thought to myself, “That seems so far away. I’m so glad that’s not happening to me!”

But, if your story reads like mine, you know how quickly this whole thing comes about! It’s like – BAM! It happens that fast.

Maybe we’re never prepared because we have no time to prepare! It seems we go from full-throttle parenting right to “Poof!” Then, it’s suddenly time to adjust to a new normal. It seems the end of these years can trigger feelings of grief and even an identity crisis for many parents, as parenting has been a massive part of their lives.

The energetic connection between a mom and a child is unique. And although it always remains in your being as a mom, it shifts when your child leaves the nest.

I had an accelerated experience with empty nest living. Awhile back, my then 16-year-old daughter moved away (actually, far away to Saskatchewan, Canada) to live with her dad for the last two years of high school. Her decision to move in with her dad (whom she’d never lived with full-time) was major. But it was the right one (more on that later).

Of course, I felt wholly unprepared for her to leave home. But, I can say the lead-up and dread of empty nest syndrome was the hardest part.

And, believe it or not, incredible things came from this time apart. We both learned a lot – and we grew closer. The tensions that were brewing were gone. During this time, our relationship flourished and became new in many ways.

Looking back, what helped me most was reframing the experience positively. I want to share some of these reframes, tools, and strategies that helped.

Let’s get started:

1. Take a moment to pause and reflect on your path. Connect again with who you are.

How do you even describe the transition of becoming a mother?

I like to think of it as growing another chamber of your heart. It’s as if your heart expands – literally. You willingly and whole-heartedly give every ounce of energy – spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical – to this little being.

Thankfully, the transition to becoming a mother with an empty nest, for me, was minor in comparison.

There’s now time to revisit some of the things you once loved but set aside while parenting.

Maybe there was a version of yourself when you were younger that you sometimes miss?

Now you can shift to into even mothering yourself, with a softer, more open, and loving heart.

Rather than focusing on all the ways your life will change, you can ease back into a life where there is more time for yourself. And that can be wildly fun!

On that note-

2. Write a list of the things you’d like to explore.

Take time on one of your leisurely Saturday afternoons to write down some of the things you’d love to do – and never thought you’d have time for (you’ve been so busy raising kids – and now mentally preparing for an empty nest!).

Some ideas might include: learning a new language, devoting more time to fitness, renovating your home, creating a new studio, exploring various creative outlets, reading the classics, taking cooking classes, and so on. This is also a great time to try new hobbies, explore new things, or even relax and watch TV if that’s what brings you joy.

It’s time to play! Take the time to create your unique style. Make time for the volunteering you always wanted to do. Mentor. Reorganize your space.

Jot down a list of places you’d like to visit – local and far away. Hang it up in your new studio.

3. Widen your social circle and deepen your relationships.

We all know parenting takes up the lion’s share of our time and attention – 24/7. So now that your child is spreading her wings- what can you do?

Do you enjoy entertaining? Start planning now! Now is the time to schedule events on the calendar – as many as you want!!

Make plans to catch up with friends over dinner and spend time enjoying each other’s company. Then, organize a weekend trip with that old group of high school friends. Think of all the fun you will have! Plan a trip away or spend a weekend rediscovering your hometown with your closest friends.

BONUS: Now you can spend more time with your partner and get to know each other in new ways. Order in, watch movies, go for early morning walks, and build brand-new routines together. There’s so much you can do!

The richness and fulfillment that come from relationships can soften the transition to an empty nest. These friends can become your tribe – and you can share lifelong experiences.

4. Celebrate connecting to your adult child in a new way. 

You’re witnessing a brand new beginning for your teen.

We know that parenting never really ends. Yet after 18 years, many children do leave the nest. Having your child become an adult welcomes a deepened relationship in many ways.

Through a spiritual lens, you share a partnership with your kids when thinking of parenting and motherhood. They are thriving, learning, and growing right alongside you. Now they’re stepping forward in a new way – and it’s exciting, unique, and new for everyone.

You get to watch and see what happens next. It’s incredible to have a front-row seat to the unfolding of the new opportunities that lie ahead for them.

Moving out may prompt your child to appreciate you in a new light. The angst and drama that precluded the separation are over.

Your relationship can grow and flourish in a brand-new way.

5. Practice the art of acceptance. See this time as part of a master plan – an unfolding and an unveiling.

It’s often our ego and fear that lead us to think negatively. But if you look at it another way, this is the time for a bittersweet celebration. You’ve both come to this milestone together.

Sometimes you may hear your inner voice saying, “This is so sad. All of this will be so hard. I’m going to be so lonely.” Now’s the time to stop and question – where is this voice coming from?

Is this something family members have said – and now you’ve adopted it into your thinking? Is it a cultural norm? Have others made preparing for an empty nest seem dreadful?

Remember, it’s not entirely true. Yes, it’s bittersweet. And you will feel waves of nostalgia when you least expect them.

Here’s the thing no one talks about: It seems like they’re moving out and moving on – but they do come home! You may even see them more during college with the long winter and summer breaks. (This is how it felt for me…and it helped.)

Also, remember that deep down, you want to see them thrive!

See my take on Verse One of the Tao Te Ching for tips on moving forward with more acceptance.

6. See that you’re also embarking on a new path of growth and discovery.

If you think of it as a continuum, we never stop growing and evolving. As empty nesters, we’re learning more about who we are and what contributions we’re here to make.

In this way, we’re launching into parallel growth with our kids. As an empty nester, you now have the opportunity to make decisive choices about the next chapter of your life, intentionally setting new goals. 

It’s a great time to model a healthy, happy woman full of hope and enthusiasm – and willing to reach for the most favorable thoughts and outcomes.

For fun, you can even create an idea of this woman in your mind. For me, it’s a woman I saw one day walking the streets of Paris. She was self-possessed and had great style (that’s another story for another day, lol!).

But, more than style, I remember her energy. She radiated a sense of self-love that comes hard-earned. Life experiences, including love, loss, changes, etc., that make each person’s life unique, shape us into the exquisite one-of-a-kind women we become.

This is our time to enjoy all life has to offer! There are so many more chapters ahead in this book. There is so much to look forward to.

Wrapping it up and my experience in this area:

After I accepted my daughter’s plan to move to Canada with her dad, I started a new chapter altogether.

I started to paint and write. I became more involved in fitness and wellness, including practicing Kundalini yoga and Pilates.

Also, I found myself moving forward in a new direction with work. I started writing this blog and then became a coach.

Along the way, my daughter and I have grown closer. It sometimes feels like my willingness to let her go and live her life brought her closer to me in the same proportion.

And if you, also, can think about life like chapters in a book, the “empty nest” chapter is a very exciting one if you let it be.

Some coaching thoughts: The lens of possibility

Instead of looking at this time as a sad, empty nest, would you consider the idea of “life reimagined?”

• How can this time be a welcome new beginning for you?
• How will you embrace this new chapter with ease and grace?
• Are there specific goals you’d like to achieve? See this list of strategies and steps for self-improvement here.
• And have you ever connected with your inner wise woman? She might have some thoughts to help you navigate this uncharted path.

I hope you found this story to be helpful and inspiring! Please forward it to anyone you know who might benefit from reading it today :-)

(This piece was originally published on June 10, 2021, updated for increased thoroughness, and republished.)