Seeing Friendship Through a New Lens

When we think about friendship, it’s easy to focus on the people we see or speak with all the time.

But when we pause and shift our lens, we realize there are so many forms of friendship quietly woven into our lives. Each one adds meaning, flavor, and fun in its own unique way.

I also like to think of friendship in terms of an ever-changing tapestry or landscape that changes and evolves along with our energy.

So, I’m writing this piece from London. After several years of change and multiple moves, I sometimes catch myself thinking about the friends I don’t get to see every day. The ones I miss terribly! Or the feeling of having to start all over again, in a new city. But when I take a breath and look through a different lens, I begin to see what’s really here.

There are so many different types of friends – some near, some far. Each offers something distinct and valuable. Sometimes it just takes a moment of awareness (or a simple phone call!) to reconnect and feel that connection.

In this story, I’ve combined research, observation, and my own experience to explore ten different types of friendships that might already be present in your world. As you read through these, you may find yourself recognizing familiar faces—or realizing that your life is more abundant in connection than you thought.

One thing is for sure: People come into our lives for a reason.

We may not always understand the purpose in the moment, but when we look back through the lens of gratitude, we can see the gifts each friend brought with them. We can see the lessons, laughter, and love that helped shape who we’ve become.

Let’s take a look at the different types of friendships you have (and need) in your life, and what each one reveals through the New Lens of Connection.

1. The lifelong friendship.

A lifelong friend is a rare gift. To have this, you’re both committed, have a natural rapport, and have a deeply shared history—your willingness to stay together and make an effort places this friendship in the soulmate category.

This friendship brings us so many precious gifts.

Here, you experience feelings of comfort, happiness, and acceptance. But this friendship also requires you to step up.

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., writes about the building blocks that sustain long-term friendships. Some include honesty, a willingness and ability to work through challenging times, and the mindfulness to continually show up for your friend with a heart full of gratitude for having her in your life.

This friendship calls us forth. Life is full of twists and turns, and not all friendships stay on the rails if neglected. There will inevitably be occasional misunderstandings, but these friends willingly roll up their sleeves and get to work. Firestone says, “Being able to offer and receive feedback from someone you trust is a gift that we can easily overlook.”

We grow through having the courage and willingness to have hard conversations. When you say that you’ve had a lifelong friend, that speaks volumes about who you are: a person who values meaningful relationships and isn’t afraid to commit to them fully.

We see this friendship through the Lens of Commitment. It teaches us about loyalty, presence, and emotional maturity. It asks that we keep showing up – with honesty, humility, and gratitude – even when life pulls us in different directions.

Challenge: Can you widen your lens to celebrate who you both are now, not just who you were?

2. A Blessed Type of Friendship — A Spiritual Connection.

We all want to feel recognized and understood. This friend sees us without us having to say a word.

Here, you share a uniquely beautiful spiritual connection. You sense that your souls have known each other before, that this friendship was meant to find you.

This friend may not fit into your everyday life. You may have very different lives with not much in common on the surface. But this friend is part of your tribe, offering emotional support even when they don’t realize it.

Your connection is a feeling that surpasses understanding .” You know them deeply that you may not know how to explain.” This friend may come in and out of your life, but you always know how to pick up right where you left off.

3. The Compatible Friendship.

Some friendships feel completely effortless. There’s an ease, a natural rhythm, and a sense that you’re traveling through life side by side, heading in the same direction. You just get each other.

A study done in early 2018 sought to determine if friends have similar neural responses. The results “suggest that friends are exceptionally similar to one another in terms of how they perceive, interpret, and react to the world around them, as reflected in unobtrusive measurements of mental processes as they unfold over time.”

The study validated that friends experience the world similarly and that science proves their compatibility. 

This resonance isn’t a coincidence—it’s attraction at the energetic level. The Law of Attraction reminds us that we draw in what matches our frequency. These friends are mirrors of our current vibration, companions for a shared stretch of the journey.

Having this kind of friend is a gift of grounding and simplicity. You can move through your days with ease, laughter, and mutual understanding. It’s comforting to know that someone out there sees life the way you do.

Having friends who are “like us” is a rare comfort. You can do life together, side by side.

How many friends can you say that about?

Through the Lens of Harmony, this friendship reflects how energy aligns when two people share similar values, interests, and ways of seeing the world.

Quote: “True compatibility is resonance, not effort.”

4. The Oldest Type of Friendship – The Childhood Friend.

This friendship is unique and special. There is transparency and a sense of place with this person. With all of the business and noise of our lives today, it’s refreshing to sit with someone who can say, “I knew you when…”

Recently, I spent time with a childhood friend, and we spoke of how we carry the details of our childhoods daily. Childhood friends know all about it. They remember how the cafeteria looked, that birthday party at the rollerskating rink. They knew you before all of the events of your life unfolded.

This friendship is very grounding. You know each other’s histories and families, which adds even more dimension.

It’s so fun to get together and have a few laughs, too! How many friends can you share such history with?

Spending time with an old friend is like revisiting a piece of home.

There’s transparency, familiarity, and a comfort that can’t be manufactured. You don’t need to perform or prove anything. They already know your story.

5. The “That Time in My Life” Friend.

Some friends arrive for a particular season, often when life feels uncertain or in transition. You may have worked together, lived as neighbors, or shared the same path during a defining moment.

These friends become your anchors during those in-between spaces of life.

This friendship may not remain close through the years, but that doesn’t take away its meaning. Can you look back at times and think about how lucky you were to have those friends?

When I moved to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, in 2000, I was truly filled with hope for what the future might hold. Within months, I was surrounded by a circle of amazing women who became my tribe of sorts.

Two years later, when I faced an excruciating divorce and returned to upstate New York with my newborn daughter, I could finally see their presence for what it truly was: a lifeline.

They supported me while I thought my entire world was falling apart. Though our lives eventually moved in different directions, the imprint always remains.

These friends remind us that connection doesn’t have to be lifelong to be life-changing. Some people are sent for a chapter, not a lifetime.

** Sidenote: I’ve reconnected with these friends over the past years, now and again.  I recently saw one while she was visiting London!

Lens Shift Reflection: Instead of viewing endings as loss, can you shift your lens to gratitude for the season that was?

6. The Mirror Friend.

Some friendships are meant to show us something about ourselves, and sometimes we end up growing through something painful. These friends act as mirrors, reflecting back to us our patterns, and even our unhealed parts.

Sometimes that reflection feels fabulous; other times, it’s uncomfortable. And when the lesson has been learned, the friendship may naturally drift away.

Also, as we grow and mature, we need different support systems in our lives. It’s healthy to accept this and to let go. Outgrowing a friendship can be a good thing! It can mean that you’re evolving and moving in a new and often healthier direction.

Through the Lens of Reflection, we begin to see that not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s not a failure; it’s a form of evolution.

As we grow, we call in relationships that match our new energy, values, and awareness. Letting go can be an act of self-love and alignment.

**This friend came into your life for a purpose. Maybe to teach you something about trust, boundaries, or self-worth. Once that purpose was fulfilled, the connection began to fade, making space for what’s next.

For me, the key is to honor what was shared and to release it with grace. Bless her for what she brought into your world and for the mirror she held up along the way.

As you move forward, I find it helps to remember: when we look through the lens of reflection, we see that every friendship—no matter how brief or complex—has shaped the person we’ve become.

7. The Casual Friendship – The Acquaintance.

Probably the most underrated friendship out there! They don’t all need to be deep to be meaningful. Some connections are brief, light, and spontaneous, yet they add warmth, energy, and a subtle sense of belonging to our daily lives.

In a recent story, I wrote about the science of luck and was surprised to learn about the many advantages of having acquaintances in our lives. By maintaining a network of acquaintances, we remain open to many opportunities we may have missed.

Additionally, a study found that even weaker peripheral ties play a role in enhancing our overall well-being.

This study also found that “the more weak ties a person has (neighbors, a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop, or fellow members in a spin class), the happier they feel. Maintaining this network of acquaintances also contributes to one’s sense of belonging to a community.”

So, even now, in this world of fast-paced rushing everywhere and having little time to interact, it’s nice to take the time to connect (even briefly) with the people in your community network. It enhances your sense of well-being, and theirs too.

Through the Lens of Connection, we see that even small moments of engagement, smiling at a neighbor, chatting with a barista, exchanging kind words at a yoga class, carry ripple effects. These simple interactions remind us that we are part of something larger: a living, breathing community.

These small, friendly interactions boost our mood and deepen our sense of connection to the world around us.

8. The Intimate Type of Friendship – The Close Friend That Feels Like Family.

We all need that friend who can be on the inside of our lives, especially when things aren’t going well. This friend knows the inner workings of your life. There is an intimacy between you, and the walls are down.

This friend walks through the door when something painful happens in your life. She offers a healthy friendship – by showing up with a big, open heart. And you’re always glad to see her.

She sees your messy kitchen and screaming toddler, and you feel relieved. She’s also the friend you can call at a moment’s notice to take your teenage daughter to an emergency dental appointment in your place!

Especially as a long-time single mom, I’m sure my mental health benefited from friends like this!

Through the Lens of Belonging, this friendship reflects the beauty of being truly seen. There’s an ease and intimacy here. The walls are down, the masks are off. And you don’t need to be polished or prepared.

These friendships are lifelines. They carry us through the ordinary and the extraordinary, the heartbreaks and the healing.

 These friends remind us that love often looks like showing up, again and again, with open arms and an open heart.

Heart-Led Transformation: Receiving love is an act of worthiness.

9. The Fun Friend – You Can’t Stop Laughing When You’re Together.

My mom is a spiritual person.

One day, we talked about friendships, and she was telling me how much fun she recently had with one of her oldest friends. She said they laughed and laughed. I said, “It’s incredible how much fun you two have together!” She turned toward me and said, “Does it get any better than that?”

Laughter bonds us with others. We live in one of our highest vibrations when we can let go and laugh. Dr. Robin Dunbar performed experiments to determine the role of laughter in contributing to an overall sense of well-being.

Her studies found that the act of laughter releases endorphins that increase our pain threshold. Another finding is that “Scientists know that the act of laughing releases endorphins into the brain that provide feelings of happiness and a heightened sense of well-being.”

Friends we can laugh with are so crucial to our happiness and well-being. We need a friend group like this in our lives.

Through the Lens of Joy, we remember that laughter is not trivial—it’s medicine. It uplifts our vibration, heals our hearts, and deepens our bonds.

Friends who bring out our laughter remind us that life isn’t meant to be carried so heavily. They help us return to our natural state of flow, reminding us to play, to release, to be.

Having friends like this is key to our emotional health and vitality. Because sometimes, the most spiritual thing we can do is laugh until we cry, and be grateful for the friends who make that possible.

Quote: ‘Play is the highest expression of our aliveness.” Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert.

10. The multifaceted type of friendship – the mentor.

Some friendships enter our lives carrying wisdom. These are the friends who see something in us before we fully see it ourselves. They guide, uplift, and expand our perspective.

This friend takes you under her wing and shows you the ropes.

The word mentor evolved to mean a trusted friend, advisor, teacher, and wise person.

This person might start as a mentor, but the relationship can evolve into a blossoming friendship.

Through the Lens of Guidance, we recognize that mentorship is one of the most sacred forms of friendship. It blends teaching with tenderness, experience with encouragement.

When I first moved to Los Angeles in 2018, I met a woman named Kimberly who said, “I’m going to take you under my wing and show you this city and all of its wonderful things. I had a friend do this for me, and it made all the difference.”

That simple gesture became the foundation of something much more: a relationship that blended mentorship with genuine friendship.

These friendships remind us of the power of generosity and shared wisdom. They invite us to stay open to learning, to be guided, and eventually, to offer that same light to someone else.

When seen through the Lens of Guidance, the mentor becomes both teacher and mirror – showing us what’s possible and awakening us to our own potential.

Seeing Friendship Through a New Lens

When we pause to look at the friendships that fill our lives, something shifts. What may have once seemed like “not enough” begins to expand before our eyes.

We see the lifelong friend who has walked every chapter with us, the soul connection who reminds us who we are, the mentor who guided us forward, and even the acquaintance who brightens our day with a simple greeting.

Each friendship holds a different vibration—a unique lens through which love, learning, and growth are reflected back to us. Together, they form a mosaic of connection, each one revealing something essential about who we are and what we value.

Some friends anchor us to our past. Others invite us into joy, courage, or new beginnings. Some stay, some drift, and some reappear when we least expect them.

When we see each friendship through the New Lens Method™, we begin to understand that every relationship, whether lasting or fleeting, has served our evolution. Each has helped us grow into the person we are becoming.

Take a moment now to shift your lens and reflect:

• Which friendships are currently nurturing your heart?

• Which have quietly shaped who you’ve become?

• Which might be asking for reconnection—or gentle release?

Another important reminder: NOTHING IS PERSONAL!

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It’s because of themselves. All people live in their own dream and their own mind. Even when words seem personal, such as a direct insult, they really have nothing to do with you.” – Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

While I was researching for this piece, I stumbled upon this and wanted to share, by John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom:

“A Friendship Blessing

May you be blessed with good friends. May you learn to be a good friend to yourself. May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness. May this change you. May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you. May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging. May you treasure your friends. May you be good to them and may you be there for them; may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth, and light that you need for your journey. May you never be isolated. May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam ċara.”

Wrapping it up:

After reading these descriptions, can you see all of the types of friendships you have in your life today? In some cases, maybe you don’t talk on the phone daily or even see each other yearly. Still, these friendships remain blessings!

Valuing, honoring, and celebrating friendships is important! Everyone who comes along provides an opportunity to grow and discover more about who we are. We get to have the experience of nurturing a friendship, sharing our lives (and stories), and laughing together along the way.

And it doesn’t get any better than that!

Do you have any thoughts about this story? Are there other friends I didn’t mention? Can you relate to these different types of friends? Let me know in the comments :-)

And, learn new tips and tools to help you in letting the right people in here.

Please share with a friend today!

 

(This story was originally published on April 28, 2021, and has been updated for thoroughness.)