How Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar Redefines Happiness with SPIRE
Last week, I made the long, arduous drive from Boston to the Syracuse area to visit family for the holidays. To keep myself occupied, I decided to listen to a podcast. It felt like a stroke of luck! I randomly landed on one with Mel Robbins and Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. I found it incredibly insightful and actionable, so I decided to share key findings with you along with my take on implementing his work.
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is a renowned author and lecturer best known for his work in positive psychology. As a former Harvard University professor, he taught some of the university’s most popular courses on happiness and leadership.
Dr. Ben-Shahar’s research focuses on understanding happiness, resilience, and personal growth of all kinds. He has inspired many through engaging lectures and best-selling books, such as Happier and Choose the Life You Want.
His teachings stress the importance of cultivating gratitude, deepening connections to others, and balancing ambition with self-compassion to achieve a fulfilling life.
Through his work, Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar has played a key role in spreading the message that happiness is not just a fleeting emotion but a skill that can be developed and applied to every aspect of life.
More on what I learned from the Mel Robbins Podcast.
On the podcast, he describes how happiness is a byproduct of living a meaningful life rather than an emotion we feel after achieving a big goal.
He also explains that we live with a misunderstanding here in the Western world. We believe that achieving big goals will bring us ultimate happiness. But research shows that success actually doesn’t lead to happiness. The high we feel is only temporary, just a spike.
There is no way around it. True happiness comes to us indirectly whenn wepursue richness and wholeness in our lives everyyday.
Let’s take a closer look here:
Dr. Ben-Shahar describes the five main elements of happiness: SPIRE
SPIRE stands for: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, Emotional
According to a class he taught at the Wholebeing Institute, these categories can be further investigated by asking these questions:
“Spiritual well-being: What gives you purpose and meaning? What values drive your actions?
Physical well-being: How do you cultivate positive regard for the body, treat it well, and be aware of the innate ability of the body to affect the mind?
Intellectual well-being: How do you stretch, grow, and challenge the mind by cultivating creativity and fostering the love of learning?
Relational well-being: How do you contribute to and benefit from the people around you? No less important, what are the ways you foster a healthy relationship with yourself?
Emotional well-being: How can you increase pleasurable emotions and cultivate resilience to deal with painful emotions?”
Let’s dive deeper and explore ways to embrace these five categories even more.
First up: Spiritual Wellbeing
To me, this means connecting with something larger than ourselves.
This connection links us to the larger world and gives us a deep sense of belonging and community.
Finding purpose in serving others shows us the way to true happiness by recognizing how we’re all connected.
Here are some ways to incorporate spiritual well-being into daily life:
Practice Daily Reflection and Gratitude:
- We hear this time and time again for a reason: It’s true!
- Acknowledge and appreciate the blessings in daily life with a daily gratitude journal. (Only a few minutes spent on this morning and night can make a huge difference!)
- Take a moment throughout the day to be grateful for ‘what is.’
Be of Service to Others:
- Volunteer in any way you can, whenever you can.
- Mentor others in areas where you have experience and knowledge.
- Perform random acts of kindness to bring positivity to others’ lives.
Cultivate Inner Growth:
- Explore spiritual practices such as yoga, mindfulness, or journaling.
- Commit to reading a small amount of spiritual literature that inspires you daily.
- View forgiveness as it is: Deep spiritual work! Commit to working to forgive and letting go of negative emotions.
- Try to live in a way that is spiritually aligned with the greatest good.
Connecting with Nature:
- Spend time in nature to find tranquility and perspective.
- Practicing eco-friendly behaviors to show respect for the earth.
Present moment awareness:
- Practice being in the moment throughout the day.
- Protect your energy on a moment-to-moment basis.
Meditation:
- Explore meditating. Try using the Insight Timer app for ideas.
- Try some of my favorite meditations here.
Next: Physical Wellbeing
Make physical wellbeing a priority regularly. Focus on nutrition, exercise, rest, and recovery. This one is straightforward, but I’m sharing some of my ideas below.
Physical exercise:
- Daily Walks: Incorporate a brisk 30-minute walk into your day. It’s low-impact, improves cardiovascular health, and helps clear the mind. (Also, a friend told me about a new book called Good Energy.They recommend getting outside for a quick walk first thing in the morning. Doing this can improve your vibrance and energy throughout the day. (I need to embrace this one still!)
- Strength Training: Dedicate 2-3 days a week to strength training exercises like lifting weights, resistance band workouts, or bodyweight exercises such as push-ups and squats. (I have to recommend Pvolve – it’s so good!)
- Stretching or Yoga: Regular stretching or yoga reduces tension, improves flexibility, and supports better posture. Start or end the day with 10-20 minutes.
- High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT): For those who are short on time, 20-minute HIIT sessions a couple of times per week can improve fitness and burn calories. Interesting fact: On the podcast, Dr. Ben-Shahar says that doing three short bursts (45 seconds) of cardio can lead to improved happiness throughout the day.
Sleep & Rest:
- Stick to a Sleep Schedule: Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night, going to bed and waking up at the same time to regulate your body’s natural clock. (GOALS for me…)
- Create a Bedtime Routine: Try doing relaxing activities before bed, such as reading or deep breathing, to signal to your brain that it’s time to wind down. (I need to work on this in 2025!)
- Limit Screens Before Bed: Avoid electronics at least an hour before sleep since blue light can disrupt your circadian rhythm. (Ditto…)
- Nap Smart: Short power naps (20-30 minutes) during the day can recharge your body without interfering with nighttime sleep.
Nutrition:
- Eat Whole, Unprocessed Foods: Focus on incorporating fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats into your diet while minimizing processed foods. (My new obsession: Perfect Bar)
- Stay Hydrated: Drink at least eight glasses of water daily. Herbal teas can also be a great hydration option. (Always a challenge for me!)
- Meal Prep: Prepare balanced meals ahead of time to ensure you’re eating healthily, even on busy days.
- Mindful Eating: Pay attention to hunger and fullness cues. Chew your food slowly to aid digestion and truly enjoy your meals.
Rest & Recovery:
- Scheduled Downtime: Block out time daily to rest, whether listening to music, meditating, or having a regular slow day.
- Active Rest Days: On non-exercise days, consider low-intensity activities like walking, stretching, or yin yoga to allow recovery while staying active.
- Spend Time Outdoors: A few minutes outside daily can lower stress and fatigue. Sunlight also helps your body produce vitamin D.
- Digital Detox: Take regular breaks from screens to rest your eyes and clear your mind.
Intellectual Wellbeing
This is all about being curious, asking questions, deep-diving, engaging in creative pursuits, and being open to experiencing new things.
Ideas for Nurturing Intellectual Wellbeing:
1. Curiosity:
- Explore fascinating topics like travel, architecture, history, or any special hobby.
- To expand your knowledge base, read widely in different genres, from fiction to science. Read a few books at once and mix them up.
- Seek out TED Talks, documentaries, or podcasts that pique your interest.
Deep Diving:
- Pick a topic you’ve always wanted to explore—such as ancient cultures, AI technology, or climate change—and commit to learning more.
- Take online courses or certifications to build mastery in an area of interest.
- Research a single topic extensively, pulling information from books, videos, and peer-reviewed articles.
- Join a study group or community interested in drilling deeper into a fascinating subject.
Lifelong Learning:
- Sign up for classes or webinars, whether formal (like university courses) or informal (like cooking, coding, or writing). Try Masterclass.
- Learn a new language to challenge yourself and connect with other cultures.
- Subscribe to newsletters or blogs from thought leaders in fields you want to explore. (Go onto Substack!)
- Join a lecture series in your community.
Expand on your Creative Hobbies:
- Delve into creative hobbies like painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument. Take lessons or classes.
- Read more about the life-expanding world of creativity here.
Always be open to learning something new.
Relational Wellbeing
Strong, meaningful connections with others are key to relational wellbeing. A lot of this has to do with love languages. Here are some ideas to nurture your relationships and create deeper bonds with the people in your life:
Spend Quality Time with Loved Ones:
- Dedicate uninterrupted time to your loved ones. (Many of us can improve in this area! Note to self.)
- Turn off your phone, disengage from distractions, and focus on being present.
- Make time to connect meaningfully, whether it’s a coffee date, a walk in the park, or an evening of board games.
Share Hugs More Often:
- Physical touch can be incredibly grounding and healing for both the giver and receiver.
- Never underestimate the power of a warm, genuine hug.
Practice Active Listening:
- One of the most meaningful ways to connect is by truly listening.
- When someone shares their thoughts or feelings, give them your full attention.
Send Thoughtful Texts:
- A simple “I hope you’re having a good day” text or sharing a memory that reminded you of the person can brighten their day.
- Small, kind messages like “Thinking of you!” or “You’ve got this!” go a long way in letting loved ones know you care.
Celebrate Small Milestones:
- Make an effort to celebrate the small wins or milestones in others’ lives.
- Whether it’s a quick promotion, finishing a big project, or even adopting a new hobby, a simple congratulations or a small celebratory gift lets the other person know you see them and appreciate their achievements.
Write a Letter or Card:
- Take a moment to write a heartfelt note expressing your gratitude, love, or encouragement to someone important to you.
- A handwritten letter or card adds a personal touch and becomes a keepsake that can be revisited for comfort or joy. ( I want to do more of this in 2025.)
Offer a Safe Space to Share:
- By showing compassion and offering a judgment-free space. Holding space as a sounding board can sometimes help someone feel supported and less alone.
And last but not least, Emotional Wellbeing
On the podcast, Dr. Ben-Shahar reminds us that this means giving ourselves permission to be human and allowing our emotions to be as they are.
Here are more ideas to try:
Allow Your Feelings:
- Take a moment to recognize and acknowledge your emotions as they arise. Suppressing your feelings can lead to long-term emotional strain. One technique I use to get my feelings out is writing morning pages.
- It’s okay to feel—whether it’s sadness, frustration, or joy.
Accept Your Feelings:
- Remind yourself that emotions are a natural part of being human. Instead of judging yourself for how you feel, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you don’t always need to be “perfectly okay.” Acceptance is the first step toward healing.
Practice Gratitude:
- Focus on the positive aspects of your life by keeping a gratitude journal. Write down three things you’re thankful for each day, no matter how small they may seem. (It’s back on the list again…)
Set Boundaries:
- Learn to say “no” to situations or commitments that drain your energy or cause unnecessary stress.
- Prioritizing your emotional health is not selfish—it’s necessary.
Focus on Self-Care:
- Engage in activities that rejuvenate you, whether reading a book, taking a long bath, meditating, or spending time in nature.
- Discover more ideas on self-care here.
Seek Professional Support:
- If you’re struggling with persistent emotional challenges, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance tailored to your needs.
Limit Negative Inputs:
- Reduce exposure to things that negatively impact your mental well-being, such as toxic relationships, distressing news, or social media comparisons.
Reframe:
- Learn the art of reframing and view things in a new way.
Practice Positivity:
- Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with affirming statements. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
- Embrace resilience!
Wrapping it up:
So, it’s all good news. Happiness is not a destination that only a select few can attain; instead, it is a continuous journey that requires balance and attention to all these elements.
And taking small steps in these five areas daily can help you to build a meaningful, happy life.
What area are you the strongest? Where do you need to put more effort? I’m strongest in intellectual and emotional areas, but I hope to improve more in the physical (sleep!) and spiritual areas. I often skip my meditations.
One final thought:
On the podcast, Dr. Ben-Shahar shared that another secret to happiness is living in the present moment (eastern thought) while having goals in mind (western thought). This seems like a good place to land.
Discover more about Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar here.
Watch my video here:
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