How to Have a Successful Relationship With Jay Shetty’s ‘8 Rules of Love’
Love is something we all strive for, but it seems hard to find and even harder to maintain. Fortunately, Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love provides a helpful guide for anyone wishing to find love or deepen their relationships.
Join me as I share my own experiences related to my favorite quotes and concepts from Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules. They all provide insights, and you can use them as foundation stones in your journey toward cultivating lasting love!
The book is divided into four sections:
Solitude: Learning to Love Yourself
Compatibility: Learning to Love Others
Healing: Learning to Love Through Struggle, and
Connection: Learning to Love Everyone.
Here are some of my favorite quotes, along with their take-home messages.
Jay Shetty lays down a foundational message: Love is a verb, and loving requires care and attention.
“When attraction develops into Love, it requires more care. When we want to keep a flower alive, doesn’t cut it and put it in a vase. We give it sunlight, soil, and water. Ait’st’s only when you care for a flower over time, doing your best to keep it alive, that you fully experience its beauty—the freshness, the color, the scent, the bloom. You notice the delicate detail on each petal. You watch it respond to the seasons. You find joy and satisfaction when a new bud appears and feel a thrill when it blossoms.” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
I love this quote above because Jay beautifully depicts the experience of Love. It’s described as a way of being by offering great attention and care. We actively love others by demonstrating our feelings for them in ways they uniquely need.
Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love teaches us the importance of loving ourselves.
“When we learn to love ourselves, we develop compassion, empathy, and patience. Then we can use those qualities to love someone” else.” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
A lifelong goal is to love ourselves well.
Jay Shetty takes a deep dive into how we evolve when we commit to loving ourselves.
Only then can we reflect this love and feel compassion, empathy, and patience for those we love.
Our confidence supports our relationships.
“Confidence is important in a relationship because it helps us talk to the person we like without seeking their approval or hinging our self-esteem on their “reaction” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
I just really like this idea. Maybe that’s because so many times in my life, I sought validation from others when I just needed to feel it within myself.
I would have made different choices over the years if I’d learned this lesson sooner!
Jay Shetty reminds us that solitude supports our relationships in various ways.
“Solitude gives us time and space between attraction a reaction.” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
Wow, this is a good one!
If you can’t be alone, you’ll settle for the first person interested. Being able to pause, and check in with yourself, is key to choosing wisely.
Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love encourages us to understand the gaps in our childhood. This knowledge helps us to understand ourselves, and have compassion for the gaps our partner experiences.
“At the same time, the more you become aware of these influences in your own life, the more you’ll be able to see how a partner’s parents impact them. This gives you greater understanding and patience with yourself and your partner. – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
In this book section, Shetty shares common experiences we encounter as we travel through the muck that undoubtedly reveals itself if you’re in a relationship long enough!
In my life, I’ve learned that my issues come from my family of origin (just like everyone else)!
But the more I own my stuff, the more I can support my partner in owning his.
Get clear on what Love means to you and your partner.
“Before we decide that we’re in love, before we tell another person we love them, and before we determine what it means when they say those words to us, we must consider how we define love.” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
This is a zinger! Jay Shetty is touching on a hot topic here! It’s one of the things I’m sure will be talked about for a long time.
We say ‘I love you’ so quickly in our world. But what do these words actually mean?
What are the expectations we’re setting? Getting clear with a loved one seems so simple, but this is surprisingly the first time I’ve heard or seen it addressed!
Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love teaches us that we thrive when we have multiple close relationships.
“It’s okay for different people to fill the different needs on your checklist. Research shows that the happiest people have multiple close relationships, so whether we’re single or not, we shouldn’t look to any one person to meet all of our needs.” – Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
This reminds me of Esther Perel’s work. It’s unwise for us to expect all of our needs to be met by one person.
Your partner is your guru.
“As a guru, we think about how our actions impact our partner. A guru offers guidance without judgment, wisdom without ego, Love without expectation. Being a guru for your partner doesn’t mean imparting wisdom to them (that sounds unpleasant, at best), but it does require patience, understanding, curiosity, creativity, and self-control.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
Another favorite new epiphany from Jay Shetty and 8 Rules of Love!
Love offers us the chance to learn from our guru – our partner. And we also get the opportunity to be a guru.
We can see ourselves as a loving, supportive, guiding presence in our partner’s life.
Your purpose and your partner’s purpose are of utmost importance when it comes to Love.
“Your purpose has to come first for you, and your partner’s purpose has to come first for them. Then you come together with the positive energy and stability that come from pursuing your purposes.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
This is powerful!
We undervalue the importance of having a sense of purpose in our lives. And according to Jay Shetty, this purpose is unique to you.
This idea reframes an ideal partner as someone who has a well-developed sense of purpose. Their purpose fuels their growth and happiness in countless ways.
Fighting is a healthy part of Love as long as it’s not explosive or abusive.
“Love built on honesty and understanding is deep and fulfilling, but not necessarily peaceful. Partners who avoid conflict don’t understand each other’s priorities, values, or struggles. Every couple fights—or should.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
Why do we not discuss this more?
According to Shetty, fighting constructively is a healthy part of being in a relationship.
Jay Shetty teaches that Love is universal.
“In the fourth stage of life, Sannyasa, the goal is simply this: to look beyond the self to how we can serve others. To experience Love constantly by choosing to give it to others always. To find Love in moments of frustration, annoyance, anger, and dismay, when it seems out of reach. To create more loving connections with every pers” n we meet. To feel Love for all humanity.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
Jay Shetty speaks from his experience. He says that Love is a choice.
We can choose to create more loving connections wherever we go.
Focus on expressing Love rather than expecting Love.
“Instead of expecting Love, we have to find ways of expressing Love. We’ve been taught to believe that the only way you can experience Love is when you receive it, but the Vedas say you can feel Love anytime you want simply by connecting with the Love that is always within you.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
This quote is empowering!
We can connect with our inner source of Love just by choosing to do so.
You can love difficult people from a distance in a meaningful way.
“Sometimes there are challenges in loving those who are closest to us. The person doesn’t respond in a positive way. They’re difficult to deal with, but we still care for them and want to continue to love them. When someone is toxic, we can love them from a radius of respect.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
The more we can remain loving, the better. We need to love some people from a distance, and that’s okay too.
Jay Shetty teaches that you alone choose the environment in your heart. You can choose Love.
“The same is true when you create a loving environment in your heart. You do it for yourself, no matter who receives or returns it. You don’t mess your house up if someone messy comes in. You don’t fill your heart with hate because someone hateful en” ers your radius. You want to live in a house of Love.” Jay Shetty, 8 Rules of Love.
You get to write the Love story you want.
Do you have a loving field around you? It’s possible to cultivate one by choosing the path of Love.
Are you going to try living Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love?
Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love have taught me a great deal and have made me see Love through new lenses in a deeper and more meaningful way.
Coming from a place of presence, empathy, self-love, and trust are essential components to cultivating authentic relationships in our lives.
More about Jay Shetty:
Author Jay Shetty, a former monk, is a New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk. After graduating with a Degree in Behavioral Science from Cass Business School in London, he chose to leave everything behind and live as a monk in India.
Now, he is a life coach in a class of his own. His unique style blends teachings of ancient wisdom with modern science to deliver relatable content on relationship advice, finding your purpose, and cultivating Love.
Jay is also a well know podcast host. His show, On Purpose, is a top wellness podcast downloaded by millions of listeners each month. He is also the Chief Purpose Officer at Calm and leads the Genius coaching community online.
Jay and his wife, Radhi Devlukia Shetty, are based in LA and London.
You can follow Jay Shetty on Instagram here.
And you can order his book here.
So, what did you think? Let me know in the comments below! I’m interested to hear about your insights or experiences related to this topic and how it has impacted your life. Thanks for reading along!
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