While scrolling through all the heartfelt and even heartbreaking messages on Mother’s Day, I started thinking about how the idea of motherhood goes so deep for so many of us.

I’m reminded of a series of workshops I did in my early 30s. At the time, I was a new mother with an infant daughter. In the workshops, I remember feeling shocked by how participants of all ages (even some in their 70s) were still working through issues with their mothers, many of whom were no longer living. I realized these unresolved issues were a significant part of their personal growth and self-discovery.

I asked my therapist, “Why are they still focused on their mothers at this point?” And she looked at me and said, “Many take those issues with them to the grave.”

She made me realize that we all want to be mothered, regardless of our age. So, how about we turn things around and focus more on mothering ourselves?

Many people on this planet either don’t have a mother, or the mother they have isn’t exactly meeting their needs. So, why can’t we take the lead and learn to mother ourselves the way we need? Developing self-belief is crucial in making significant changes and asserting our own decisions, especially when addressing unmet needs from childhood.

Healthy relationships are also essential for self-care and personal growth. The quality of our relationships and the boundaries we set within them can significantly impact our self-worth and emotional well-being.

Introduction to the Concept

Self-mothering is a powerful concept involving treating oneself with the same love, care, and compassion a mother would provide her child. It’s about acknowledging and nurturing one’s emotional and physical needs, especially those that may have been unmet during childhood.

By practicing self-mothering, individuals can develop a deeper sense of self-love, self-acceptance, and self-worth, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. This concept is particularly relevant on Mother’s Day, when we celebrate the importance of mothers and motherhood.

However, self-mothering is not limited to mothers or women; it can benefit anyone, regardless of their background or circumstances. Learn more about the importance of self-compassion for mothers.

Understanding the Inner Child

The inner child refers to the part of our psyche that retains our childhood memories, emotions, and experiences. It can be thought of as a small, vulnerable, and sensitive being who needs care, nurturing, and protection.

When we were children, we relied on our parents or caregivers to provide us with safety, security, and love. However, if these needs were not met, it can lead to emotional wounds and unmet needs that can persist into adulthood. By understanding and acknowledging our inner child, we can heal and nurture ourselves, developing a more compassionate and loving relationship with ourselves.

This process involves recognizing and validating our feelings and experiences and providing ourselves with the care and support that we need but may not have received in the past.

Mothering yourself means mothering your inner child:

So, who are we mothering exactly? Yes, our inner child needs to be acknowledged and nurtured.

For me, the feelings of my inner child are hard to miss. When I experience deep and profound sadness or longing, I know it’s coming from my inner child. She feels things very deeply and brings them to my attention.

As adults, we are the only ones who can adequately mother our inner child. The ability to mother oneself as an adult is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being.

Here are some ways you can begin to mother yourself today:

1. Include your inner child during your meditations.

I’m not sure what prompted me to do this, but I started trying this recently, and it’s been surprisingly comforting.

Right now, I’m working through a series of Deepak Chopra’s meditations, and during a recent one, I envisioned my inner child sitting with me. This particular meditation was about feeling inner security. While silently repeating the mantra, I reflected on significant moments of love and support in my life, and I felt comforted that my inner child was there with me. I thought she was connecting with the meditation, too.

Integrating self-care practices into meditation can enhance the experience by prioritizing one’s emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

2. Mother yourself by maintaining safe and healthy boundaries.

If you’re lucky, you were provided safe boundaries as a child. If not, you may have found yourself in situations that weren’t emotionally safe.

Mothering yourself demands that you impose healthy boundaries. These may include removing yourself from unhealthy situations or continually finding ways to protect your energy.

Only you can keep yourself and your inner child safe.

And having clear boundaries can help build a critical sense of self-trust as you navigate day-to-day life. Maintaining these boundaries is an act of self-respect, ensuring you honor your own needs and experiences.

3. Mother yourself by taking exquisite care of yourself.

Mothering a small child requires setting a schedule and ensuring she has everything she needs (healthy food, sleep, exercise, etc.) to care for her mind and body.

But what happens when our child grows up and goes off to college? They are on their own.

Only you can mother yourself by taking care of yourself! Self-care includes all the essentials like nutrition, sleep quality, environment, relationships, and scheduling time for fun! (more on that later :-)

4. Mother yourself by allowing yourself to feel whatever is coming up.

Deep and sometimes overwhelming emotions are stirring in your inner child, and they need to be felt and expressed.

“Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your perceptions, and your feeling needs you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it.” – Thich Nhat Hanh, Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child.

Mothering yourself includes providing the space to feel whatever you feel. You can find a way to meet and accept yourself exactly where you are, all emotions included. The environment in which you were raised plays a crucial role in shaping your emotional well-being, influencing how you process and express these emotions.

You may be able to listen to and hear exactly what your inner child needs, whether it’s a good cry, a cozy afternoon wrapped in a blanket, or a walk through nature. Or, you may need to seek the help of a counselor to work with your child together. The voice of your inner dialogue, shaped by childhood experiences and relationships, significantly impacts your self-perception and personal growth.

5. Write your inner child a love letter.

Studies have shown a strong connection between handwriting and a deeper connection to our psyche.

After hearing of your inner child’s struggles, consider sitting down and writing her a letter. Address it to her directly and speak to her as if she’s the age you have in your mind. Reflect on what you have learned from past experiences and how these lessons can help nurture and heal your inner child.

Writing can be a therapeutic practice, guiding you through the process of nurturing yourself and exploring the significance of self-care in personal development. It may allow you to connect deeply with your inner child.

6. Mothering yourself means making time for play!

Making time for play is an essential aspect of self-mothering, as it involves allowing ourselves to have fun, be creative, and enjoy life. This can include activities such as hobbies, games, and spending time in nature. By making time for play, we can develop a greater sense of joy and fulfillment, leading to a more positive and compassionate relationship with ourselves. This can also involve recognizing and challenging negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion. By making time for play, we can learn to appreciate and value ourselves and develop a more confident and empowered sense of self.

Seeing things through a child’s eyes is incredible. Everything seems brand new!

Taking time to explore, play, and see the world in that unique way may bring endless joy and happiness into your day. As you head out to do something fun, imagine getting your inner child with you on this journey of self-mothering, where you nurture and heal yourself emotionally and physically.

“When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite your child within to climb with you. When you contemplate the sunset, invite her to enjoy it with you.” – Thich Nhat Hanh, Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child

Every mother does her best, but only you can be the mother you genuinely need.

You know yourself best and hold the key to providing the love, security, and total acceptance your inner child needs. However, making time for play can come with its own challenges, as balancing daily responsibilities and self-care is often a nonlinear process filled with ups and downs.

Build these practices into your days and see if you notice a new sense of contentment. Say to your child, “You are safe and loved, and I’m going to care for you forever and ever.”

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