For more than 20 years, I helped people see clearly – through actual lenses! And I can’t begin to tell you how satisfying it was.

Imagine a child around eight years old, and all they’ve ever seen when they look at a tree is a large green blob. And when I would put a pair of lenses on them, for the very first time, they would gasp. It was joy to the extreme!

Five years ago, my career moved in a new direction. I sold my practice, started blogging, and then became a coach.

Over time, I’ve come to realize that the most life-changing lenses aren’t optical at all.

They’re the inner lenses we use to view our lives, our sense of self, our relationships, and the entire world around us.

Welcome to Her New Lens—a space to explore how changing your perspective can dramatically transform your reality. (Not unlike the eight-year-old with the tree, but even better.)

The Quotes (and Serendipity) That Led Me to Her New Lens

Around four years ago, I came across a quote on Instagram that stopped me in my tracks. It was from Anaïs Nin: “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

Something about it struck a deep chord, so I saved it, not knowing why it mattered so much.

Later, while working at a library table at the Boston Athenaeum, I saw the exact quote again—this time in a book that practically jumped off the shelf. The moment felt charged, almost like a sign.

That encounter stirred something in me. It was the beginning of a personal shift—a realization that even a single line, a single word, can open up a new way of seeing.

Looking back, I also remember attending a Hay House event with my mother where Wayne Dyer spoke. He shared a quote that would be one of his most noteworthy throughout his career: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

That sentence didn’t just resonate—it landed with me.

It aligned with everything I had been feeling and processing. I realized that perspective isn’t just a mental concept—it’s a transformational tool. And when you change your lens, you open the door to real personal growth.

So, What Is This Lens?

We all see the world through our unique lenses—ones shaped by our childhoods, families, cultures, personal experiences, and other life experiences. I once learned that Deepak Chopra said that between birth and age seven, children are deeply imprinted by their environment.

Those early impressions become the first “glasses” we wear, often without even realizing it.

These invisible lenses influence everything: how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, how we interpret every single thing, even what we believe is possible for our future.

And everyone’s lens is different. Some are layered with more hopefulness and worthiness, while others have more fear and scarcity inside of them.

But here’s the empowering part:

Lenses can be changed.

Most people go through life without ever questioning the lens they’re looking through. But for me, that questioning was needed.

My most painful area of struggle was all about relationships with men, and I knew I needed to examine the beliefs and filters shaping my world—and what I discovered changed everything. (More on this later…)

In this context, a lens is more than a metaphor. It’s the filter through which we interpret reality—formed by layers of belief, memory, emotion, and unconscious patterning.

Our perception doesn’t just influence how we see life—it actively shapes our experience of it.

And until we take a moment to pause and reflect, we may never realize just how much our lens is defining our story.

The Layers of Seeing

The moment of vision is more than a simple flash of sight. It’s a layered experience—one where our brains instantly draw on memory, expectation, and emotion to make sense of what we see.

When we encounter something new, we don’t see it in isolation. Our brains blend the present with the past, interpreting reality through the lens of who we are and what we’ve lived.

In this way, perception is never just about what’s in front of us—it’s also about what’s inside us. (Again, it’s all about that quote!)

This is why presence matters so much. When we’re calm and focused, our awareness sharpens. We notice more. Things feel clearer, more meaningful.

But when we’re distracted or overwhelmed, our perception becomes clouded. We might misinterpret a situation or miss something important entirely.

The state of our mind shapes what we perceive—and ultimately, what we believe to be true.

Shaping Our Understanding

Our perception forms the foundation of our understanding. It influences how we think, what we say, and how we respond to life.

Even language plays a decisive role. The words we choose to describe our experiences—calling something an “opportunity” instead of a “problem”—can transform how we feel and what actions we take.

Cultural and social conditioning also shape our lens. The stories we’ve inherited, the expectations we’ve absorbed—they become part of the filter through which we interpret our lives.

Without awareness, these inherited patterns can limit our sense of what’s possible.

But with awareness, everything can shift.

When we begin to question the lens we’re using, we unlock the potential to understand ourselves—and others—on a much deeper level. We may almost realize that we’ve been seeing things more negatively than necessary.

This reminds me of Byron Katie’s quote, “Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.”

Coaching Through a New Lens:

As a Wayfinder Life Coach, I work with women—especially those seeking love—who feel stuck in repeating the same patterns. They often ask, “Why do I keep attracting the wrong partners?” or “Why does love feel just out of reach?”

Many of my clients carry unique perspectives that can make them feel different, misunderstood, or even broken.

Some have spent years trying to fix things externally—changing their looks, their apps, their routines—without realizing that the real shift begins within.

That’s where our work begins.

In coaching, we stop looking outward for answers and turn the lens inward. We explore how they see themselves—and whether they truly align with the love they desire. We uncover old patterns, challenge inherited beliefs, begin to envision their dreams more clearly, and gently start rewriting the story.

Often, my clients say they feel deeply understood—sometimes for the first time. Their self-perception begins to shift, and with that, so does everything else.

Because when your inner lens aligns with your deepest desires, change doesn’t have to be slow.
It can happen quickly. I know—because I’ve lived it.

My Own Love Story

After my divorce at 31, I found myself struggling with love. I had faced disappointment and heartbreak, and deep down, I wasn’t sure I truly deserved the kind of relationship I longed for.

My dreams often revealed this inner conflict, mirroring both my hopes and fears. I could see the love I wanted, but I couldn’t quite believe it was meant for me. My perception was shaped by old pain, and as long as that lens stayed in place, love felt just out of reach.

It was almost like every still frame in my mind carried the energy of impending doom.

But everything began to shift when I worked through the layers of my own lens.

Through deep, consistent inner work, I started to see myself differently. I began to uncover the beliefs that had quietly shaped my self-worth and rewrote them, one by one. My transformation didn’t happen all at once—it unfolded gently, as my sense of worth was lifted before my reality changed.

Then one day, something clicked.
I felt it in my body: I know I’m meant to experience real love.

Nothing was blocking me anymore.
And within a month, I met the man who would become my partner and husband.

That moment showed me what’s possible when your inner lens changes—because once my perception shifted, my reality followed.

A Question for You

This is the heart of Her New Lens: You are not stuck with the lens you were handed. You can choose a new one—one that reflects your truth and your highest vision.

Emotional pain can be transformed by changing your lens, questioning your beliefs, and recognizing yourself for who you truly are – a person altogether and totally worthy of everything you desire.

If this message resonated with you, I invite you to subscribe to the podcast or book a free clarity call with me. Let’s explore the lens you’re looking through—and what’s waiting for you on the other side.

You can listen to the podcast here.

And don’t forget to be on the lookout for next week’s topic: “Becoming Her: The Future You Who Already Has What You Want.” It’s going to be a good one!