Around five years ago, I attracted great love into my life – I met my husband. Since that day, we’ve had quite a few adventures together – including blending two families along both coasts, moving to three different cities, changing careers, and more. Yet whenever we are out at a dinner party or meeting new people, the one question I get over and over again is: “How did you two meet?”
The truth is that we met in a bar, randomly! That seems like a novel concept today. We both happened to be at the right place at the right time. But was it actually random? I like to think that the work I was doing on myself, including reworking my beliefs, building faith, and healing my heart, all helped clear a path to that moment.
Here, I want to share three questions that helped me open up, dig deeper, and manifest love. I hope they will help you if you too desire to meet someone. Let’s take a look:
1. Is Your Heart Really Open to Attracting love?
So many times, over the years, when I was single, my mom would ‘gently’ nudge me along. She’d say, “When you’re out, try to remember to be open!” I would listen, roll my eyes, and keep moving forward. All the while, I’d think to myself, “Of course I’m open! I’m going out on dates!”
But, actually, I wasn’t. In many ways, my heart was closed.
So, now it’s your turn. Do you believe that your heart is open and ready for a loving relationship? How can you even tell?
When you’ve been hurt, the last thing you want to do is to open your heart up to possibly being hurt again. It’s natural to want to keep it closed and protected. Having an open heart requires being vulnerable, which takes a lot of courage, especially after your heart has had its share of sadness and disappointment.
So, ask yourself:
- Am I really open to love right now?
- Do I feel open to loving someone and allowing someone to love me back?
If your answer is no, that’s a good first step. You’re aware of your heart’s status and can stop forcing yourself to “put yourself out there” trying to meet Mr. Right. It might still be fun to date for the experiences that will help you learn and grow. Just be realistic with yourself, and know that you may not find a real connection yet.
If you realize your heart’s not ready, you can focus your energy on healing instead.
So, what worked for me? How did I open my heart?
What Worked for Me:
In the months leading up to meeting my ideal partner, I was committed to a disciplined spiritual practice. Always having enjoyed studying and learning from different teachers, I tailored this program together:
First, I committed to a Kundalini yoga program. I used the 3HO Foundation as a resource, but there are many other teachers and resources available online. Kundalini yoga is a game-changer.
Next, I recognized that there was a lot of pain still in my heart from older hurts, such as a painful divorce and abandonment/ father issues, so I asked for help. I turned to my higher power and prayed, “Please allow my heart to heal and to be open.”
During this time, I was busily focused on charity work. Helping children in need allowed me to step outside of myself and focus loving, positive energy outward.
Because I’d been dedicated to these practices for several months before I met my husband, I believe my commitment to them played a big role in opening my heart and being available to love.
2. Do You Believe You Deserve the Love You Say that You Want to Attract?
Our beliefs lay the foundation for what we are willing to attract into our lives. Saying to yourself, “I want this,” is one thing, but knowing on the deepest level that you deserve it is something completely different.
Believing – for me – is knowing. Beliefs live on a deeper level than random thoughts and feelings that may come and go. So beliefs need to be looked at carefully and evaluated. A lurking belief deep down that you are somehow never going to meet someone can be a saboteur in your quest for finding romantic love.
In evaluating your beliefs, jotting down limiting beliefs that may block you from love is an excellent first step.
Some may include:
- I will never meet anyone.
- Relationships are hard and painful and always end terribly.
- There must be something seriously wrong with me. Why else am I still single?
Seeing and acknowledging your beliefs takes you one step closer to moving beyond them.
Now, what do we do with all of these old beliefs? First, we can recognize that they aren’t true.
What Can You Do to Rework Those Old Beliefs?
There are probably a lot of methods, including traditional therapy, that will do the trick. But one thing that may be helpful for you is trying to do “The Work,” as defined by Byron Katie. In Katie’s method, The Work is a process of unraveling belief systems to see clearly that they aren’t true.
Katie takes you through the steps of peeling back all the layers of your belief, turning it completely upside down. At the end of “The Work,” you begin to see clearly that your limiting beliefs are just thoughts that you overcommit to. They aren’t true.
The only true thing is that you are a lovable person who is 100% worthy of all the love that you desire in your life.
After completing The Work, see if you can create a new list of true beliefs for yourself. Raise the bar even higher when you take the time to really recognize your worth.
Take note of everything you have to offer someone. Know that you are worthy of great love. And even more – that feeling of love is why you are here on this planet! Write a list of all the wonderful things about yourself, including your willingness to do this hard work. Know that you are worthy and deserve to be loved.
3. Can You Trust, Let Go, and Allow the Universe to Take Over?
This might be the most challenging part – but it is crucial. If you believe in a higher power, maybe part of you believes that your higher power already knows what you are looking for. Still, it can’t hurt to make it crystal clear. How do you do that?
I’m a big believer in the law of attraction and the power of visualization. In my effort to open my heart, I made a vision book. Around six months before I met my husband, I created a book full of images of couples that I admired. First, I jotted down descriptions of how I wanted to feel and quotes that resonated with my theme. Then, I looked at my book from time to time, always feeling inspired by the images, words, and feelings they evoked.
I knew this was what I wanted. At the same time, I knew that I couldn’t possibly force this into my life. I realized that I needed to let it all go. I had to trust in a higher power that knows my heart and desires and that will bring into my life what is meant for me.
Learning to Let Go:
I committed to giving it all up and allowing a higher power and the universe to decide.
I remember even saying to a friend on the very night I met my husband, “I’m letting it all go. Whatever is meant for me, I will be open.” It didn’t hurt that, at that time, I was feeling deeply happy and fulfilled. The work that I was doing – on myself, in my spiritual practice, and for charity – was already bringing so much joy into my life. This happiness made it much easier to let go and allow everything to happen naturally.
Around an hour of having this conversation with my friend, I met my husband. He was in town visiting from Seattle. We met, exchanged numbers, and that was it. I was ready.
You can experience a “suddenly” – a moment in time that changes the entire course of your life. That’s how fast it can work.
Stick with it, following these steps: Tenderly acknowledge the state of your heart, rework your beliefs, visualize your dreams, let go of the outcome, and be prepared to be amazed!
For me, this process of manifesting love took around eight months of devoted attention and practice. This came after 15 years of living and learning (aka dating) when my previous marriage ended. Don’t give up! There is always time to start new and begin again.
Look here for ideas on creating a dreamy vision board.
Have you been single for a very long time? Look here for more insights on looking at love in a new way.
Check out my top ten favorite, most inspiring books of all time.